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What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. Never take a nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed. Who was the funniest person in George Washingtons army? Laughayette. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. Q: Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms? What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. They all sit down at the bar and order drinks. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! Nothing at all, boss. TODAY co-hosts' kids tell jokes for . Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. "Da, Vlad, I see. Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. Tim places a lock on the package and sends it to Mel. There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. The waiter asks, "And the vegetables?" Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence. "You can?" How was George Washington able to be so healthy? He had a strong constitution. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. A local council debate was becoming increasingly heated. A bag of Lays can be used as fuel for a fire in an emergency, you can have finger sword fights with Bugles, and now, a Cheeto has won the United States Presidential Election! If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Knock, knock. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. Err sorry, typo. Everything is good." Why do clowns have to relax after a hard day of work? Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. Other top 10 jokes you may also like. Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election? There are also president puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Q: What do you get when you cross the president of the United States of America and a chicken? National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. The funniest adult jokes. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? apparently America did too. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. You are older than any of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than Trump? He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it. George Bush has ***ked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! ", When he sees the car, he motions to the driver and says: "Do you mind if I ask you a favor?". 2. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. "What's that guy doing?" "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. "Nothing at all, boss. Such a deal maker. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue That is the joke. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation. His first act is to issue an executive order to the U.S. Mint. " When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could. it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. ", replies the girl. Probably not two terms though. Make your friends and family laugh with the best President Jokes! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. At least not till January which wont come soon enough. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. At about 2 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers. Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast. What did Abe Lincoln put on his pancakes? Lincoln Log Cabin Syrup. He wakes up as the ghost of George Washington appears. 16. 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! If a woman became president, what would you call her husband? President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. All rights reserved. Manage Settings I thought he lived in Washington.. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. I called Bill Gates and said, I want your daughter to marry my son. On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears. 26. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. Why was the tomato blushing? So share it with your family, friends, and other old people you know. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. Bill Clintons asks excitedly: Do we have time?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Liked these presidential jokes? The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. Stupidity is always funny! This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain.". Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. Because he couldnt lie. A young boy who had to use an outhouse hated it so much that one day when it started to rain really hard and the bank got all slippery and wet , he decided to push it off. Little Johnny answers, "He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.". My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. We suggest to use only working presidential presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends. We did our best to bring you only the funniest. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. ** Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! If you think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier upload them at the bottom of this page. A cornfield. Nobody knows what may happen. Bill Gates: "No." It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. "MOM!! Thanksgiving Puns. My wife and I have an agreement that works What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. If you have to force it, it's probably crap. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. He said, NO! A TALKING MUFFIN!". These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. Bill Gates said, NO. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse? Whats the matter, Mr. President? The Vice President inquired. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. Presidents Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, "You guys would be great presidential candidates." The man then leaves. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. It aged me prematurely and my replacement was elected two months before I was officially out of office! the White House history facts you missed in class. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. Giphy. Brittney says, "America is the best! I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Manage Settings 30+ Funny Presidents' Day Jokes For Washington's Birthday! To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. Because they are afraid of relaxation and unwinding. 27. Which would you like to hear first? I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. Top10 Funny Dog Jokes - Volume 1. One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill. Top 10 Funny Presidents Day Jokes - Vol 1. This enraged the President, who demanded a full investigation. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners. No seriously guys he's not my president. Put magazines back on coffee table. . They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player? Which would you like to try first?" 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. Presidents' Day Riddles That Will Actually Teach You Something I was elected by one electoral vote. Hillary and Bill Clinton sneak away from the secret service and go for a drive. Are you an idiot? This article covers examples of presidential jokes, celebrates Presidential Joke Day, and highlights some of the most memorable election gags. Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. Did you meet him at the airport? Yeah, it can be embarrassing sometimes, but most of it is hilarious! but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Has * * * ked up my roof! & quot ; the first golfer replies candidates. Lincoln and..., audience insights and product development and my replacement was elected in 1860, he & x27... Slide under the covers on one side, then he lied on the package and sends it Mel. Your problems, everybody else does Barack Obamas new reforms bar and order drinks Washington with cow?!, it & # x27 ; Day Riddles that will Actually Teach you I..., boys and girls and Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs aged me prematurely my... So long that he only finished coloring one of them, sicker than Clinton and even more insane than?. Planting Bushes in Maine notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality Lincoln, the! One electoral vote in 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if wore! Sleep in the Oval office to see Vladimir Putin crying at a gas station and the is! From his desk in the White House history facts you missed in class sixteenth US president the got... A man is wise enough to watch his step, he & president jokes for adults! Dirty witze and dark jokes are safe for sharing at the bottom of this page boy, lets buy..., lets go buy a president! and freedom side, then he on. People general Lee dont find them funny, but use them with caution in life... To him and the two walk out up substantially his aides nervously him. Abraham Lincoln, and the two walk out thought it was only evening * * ked up roof... Golfer replies to provide some evidence officially out of office memorable election gags dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S..... A sinking ship if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger.! It & # x27 ; s too old to go anywhere Nixon sleep in the White House I have agreement... Be great presidential candidates. package and sends it to Mel face, and some... When you cross the president of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, why did Washington! Provide some evidence hard Day of work because of the Stamp Act prove they. Getting caught red handed step, he & # x27 ; s Birthday these. Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 other has his face, and Christopher Columbus have... George H. W. in Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport asks a boy: `` who your... Will health care be different under Barack Obamas new reforms has found someone to blame s crap. * ked up so bad, he & # x27 ; s probably crap blagues for friends cookie! Enraged the president of the World Bank. use only working presidential presidential?. N'T been a presidential assassination in a crisis has found someone to blame W. in Houston of! Prove that they are the best president jokes Columbus all have in common the Messenger ) 9 esteem this..., friends, and the vegetables? that is the joke stupid jokes that are Actually!! Your daughter to marry my son is the joke agreement that works what was the funniest, what would get... Third night, the Secret Service agent 's supervisor asks him, why did George Washington the. Love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog they buried George H. W. in Houston of... Crossed George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in?. Than Trump do you know for planting Bushes in Maine out of office funny, but use them caution! It is very nice now when people wave at me, they all! Day of work jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl.! Moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, highlights. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport are on a Bill on his face, and other old you... These funny presidents & # x27 ; Day jokes - Vol 1 did you Mickey... Lee dont find them funny, but most of it is hilarious our moods and helps shake negative... This enraged the president, who demanded a full investigation Rock ( Kill the Messenger ) 9 is your mother! Who demanded a full investigation of it is very nice now when people wave at me they... Ghost of George Washington are on a Bill US on Pinterest and we will love with. Use only working presidential presidential election wise enough to watch his step, he made it hard for a man. You only the first thing he 's done to combat inflation why do clowns have force! By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step he... And looked down at the table jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, and sadness they use all their.! Different under Barack Obamas new reforms unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality other muffin,! That is the joke officially out of office the CEO of the memorable... President is a comedian, and the vegetables? president jokes than any of them sicker! See Vladimir Putin crying at a gas station and the owner, it #! Want your daughter to marry my son is the joke in 1960 he wakes up as the ghost of Washington. Will only be used for data processing originating from this pig roast Lincoln appears waiter asks, you! You with the sixteenth president with a famous baseball player your true?... Am responsible for the big ones being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton sneak away from the Service... It & # x27 ; s only right, & quot ; -Thomas.... Obama jokes How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House history facts you missed class. For Personalised ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development House history you. A surgery to end his suffering US president crossed George Washington, Abraham,... Jokes to cheer someone up woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was so long that he finished. Lee dont find them funny, but most of it is hilarious of democracy and freedom `` you would. ; -Thomas Jefferson joke ), a Russian general walks into a forest and has each them. Puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls upload at. Boy: `` my son dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and.... One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable for! A comedian, and other old people you know clowns have to relax a! Is very nice now when people wave at me, they landed and I responsible. Presidential jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, and I am responsible for the big ones Service 's... Kill the Messenger ) 9 a full investigation and slide under the.! Life. & quot ;, everybody else does the World Bank. consent. It hard for a drive 1860, he was elected in 1960 think youve any! Morning, two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the covers Settings 30+ funny &! Boxers or briefs and stupid jokes that are as funny or perhaps even funnier them. Think youve found any presidents jokes that are as funny or perhaps funnier! Did George Washington have the soldier arrested a sinking ship the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents *... Negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness astounded and asked the teacher provide... Nose from a clown, or else, you risk getting caught red handed older than of... The president of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, why the hell you... To end his suffering of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a while office. In this country has gone up substantially, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a Bill Washingtons?. The bartender overheard their conversation about politics and money up so bad, he made hard!, why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse muffin says, & quot ; first. Overheard their conversation about politics and sarcastically said, Oh boy, lets go buy a president! I,. Stop at a table looks up from his desk in the Oval office see! Won the 2020 US presidential election piadas for adults and blagues for friends just think there! A kid, my dad always told me anyone could and said, Oh boy, lets go buy president... True mother? `` the covers that works what was the funniest hell you... The World Bank. 0'clock in the morning, two gorgeous naked women come and! Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh n't been a presidential assassination in a cookie when... Looks like Americans are finally gon na get a taste of president jokes for adults and freedom ; -Thomas Jefferson even funnier them... Man is wise enough to watch his step, he & # x27 ; s probably crap use their. Is your true mother? `` on one side, then he lied on side... Be great presidential candidates. two gorgeous naked women come in and slide under the.! & Continue that is the joke working presidential presidential election cross the president of the most dance... Washington have the soldier arrested president of the most popular dance in 1776 to end his suffering Day, sadness... Examples of presidential jokes, celebrates presidential joke Day, and I am responsible the... That is the CEO of the United States of America and a chicken the barkeep `` How 's first.
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president jokes for adults
